We have all read the stories, investing in dividends stocks is a great way to save for retirement or become financially independent. However, I do not think they know what they are talking about. In fact, those people are incredibly stupid. Here are the top 7 reasons why dividend investing is stupid.
1. Penny Stocks are Sexy
And we are not talking, that is a nice outfit sexy. We are talking, you are going to get lucky tonight sexy. Up 8,000% in one day lucky. And with that money being made, you can pay for the other kind of luck. “Bow Chicka Wow Wow” (Mike Posner, 31 Minutes to Takeoff). Who needs dividends stocks when you can get a nice STD with a Penny Stock?
2. Pizza is Awesome
And not just Pizza. Fast food, tacos, cheeseburgers, giant burritos, bacon cheese fries, and all that fatty belly growing food. You can eat it all, 3 times a day. If you save money and invest it in dividend stocks, how can you eat all this horrible food?
3. Credit Card Companies are your Friend
Why else would they let you borrow so much money at excessive interest rates. Why invest your money, when the credit card company deserve your money more than you? After all, they are your friend. Friends don’t let friends buy dividend stocks.
4. Vacations are Freaking Amazing
You want to go on vacation. And not on that stupid beach or mountain national park by you that is affordable. You want to go into debt and blow your money flying a plane, booking an overpriced hotel room, and eat at those fancy restaurants that make half-ass food, but it looks fancy.
5. Living Paycheck to Paycheck makes your Life Exciting
Are you able to pay your bills, and on time? What a loser you are. That’s boring. Worrying about your electricity being turned off because you wasted all of your money on “blackjack and hookers” (Bender, Futurama) and collector edition action figures of Bender, now that’s exciting. Not knowing which bill you will skips is the way to go.
6. I need to Impress People I do not Know on the highway
You need that nice new $50,000 truck to drive down the highway. While you are driving the truck, you will know everyone else on the highway will be jealous. I mean, you do not know those people, and you cannot even see the jealousy in their eyes, but you know they are. Who needs dividend stocks when you can buy depreciating assets.
Weird Al Yankovic – Truck Drivin’ Song
“I’m drivin’ a truck
Drivin’ a big ol’ truck
Pedal to the metal, hope I don’t run out of luck
Rollin’ down the highway until the break of dawn
Drivin’ a truck with my high heels on”
7. You have 2,000 TV Stations
Your TV is a nice 90-inch ASHDTV flat screen TV. You have all of the movie channels, ever TV station in 4 languages even, and everything you could ever want to watch with your On-Demand programming. I mean, you still cannot find anything good to watch. But your TV is the most awesome thing ever. And in case you were wondering what ASHDTV is, it is an “Asteroid Smasher / High Definition TV” from the TV show Sealab 2021.
Why Dividend Investing is Stupid
In case you have read this far and think, saving money is stupid, this is a joke. However, my readers are smart you all will have gotten that immediately. Basically, the reason not to invest is because who cares about the future. It is fun to spend money today and struggle all your life. Why not be a little responsible and save some money and invest. I am glad I save my money and invest in dividend paying stocks.
What are your top reasons why dividend investing is stupid? Add them in the comment section below. Have some fun with it. It is a great day to have fun and blow all of your money.