Top 7 Reasons Why Dividend Investing is Stupid

We have all read the stories, investing in dividends stocks is a great way to save for retirement or become financially independent. However, I do not think they know what they are talking about.  In fact, those people are incredibly stupid.  Here are the top 7 reasons why dividend investing is stupid.

Top 7 Reasons Why Dividend Investing is Stupid

1.    Penny Stocks are Sexy

And we are not talking, that is a nice outfit sexy. We are talking, you are going to get lucky tonight sexy.  Up 8,000% in one day lucky. And with that money being made, you can pay for the other kind of luck. “Bow Chicka Wow Wow” (Mike Posner, 31 Minutes to Takeoff).  Who needs dividends stocks when you can get a nice STD with a Penny Stock?

2.    Pizza is Awesome

And not just Pizza. Fast food, tacos, cheeseburgers, giant burritos, bacon cheese fries, and all that fatty belly growing food. You can eat it all, 3 times a day.  If you save money and invest it in dividend stocks, how can you eat all this horrible food?

3.    Credit Card Companies are your Friend

Why else would they let you borrow so much money at excessive interest rates. Why invest your money, when the credit card company deserve your money more than you? After all, they are your friend.  Friends don’t let friends buy dividend stocks.

4.    Vacations are Freaking Amazing

You want to go on vacation. And not on that stupid beach or mountain national park by you that is affordable. You want to go into debt and blow your money flying a plane, booking an overpriced hotel room, and eat at those fancy restaurants that make half-ass food, but it looks fancy.

5.    Living Paycheck to Paycheck makes your Life Exciting

Are you able to pay your bills, and on time?  What a loser you are.  That’s boring. Worrying about your electricity being turned off because you wasted all of your money on “blackjack and hookers” (Bender, Futurama) and collector edition action figures of Bender, now that’s exciting. Not knowing which bill you will skips is the way to go.

6.    I need to Impress People I do not Know on the highway

You need that nice new $50,000 truck to drive down the highway.  While you are driving the truck, you will know everyone else on the highway will be jealous.  I mean, you do not know those people, and you cannot even see the jealousy in their eyes, but you know they are.  Who needs dividend stocks when you can buy depreciating assets.

Weird Al Yankovic – Truck Drivin’ Song

“I’m drivin’ a truck
Drivin’ a big ol’ truck
Pedal to the metal, hope I don’t run out of luck
Rollin’ down the highway until the break of dawn
Drivin’ a truck with my high heels on”

7.    You have 2,000 TV Stations

Your TV is a nice 90-inch ASHDTV flat screen TV. You have all of the movie channels, ever TV station in 4 languages even, and everything you could ever want to watch with your On-Demand programming.  I mean, you still cannot find anything good to watch.  But your TV is the most awesome thing ever.  And in case you were wondering what ASHDTV is, it is an “Asteroid Smasher / High Definition TV” from the TV show Sealab 2021.

Why Dividend Investing is Stupid

In case you have read this far and think, saving money is stupid, this is a joke.  However, my readers are smart you all will have gotten that immediately.  Basically, the reason not to invest is because who cares about the future.  It is fun to spend money today and struggle all your life.  Why not be a little responsible and save some money and invest.  I am glad I save my money and invest in dividend paying stocks.


What are your top reasons why dividend investing is stupid?  Add them in the comment section below.  Have some fun with it.  It is a great day to have fun and blow all of your money.

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14 thoughts on “Top 7 Reasons Why Dividend Investing is Stupid

  1. I actually have a collectors edition ‘gold’ Funko pop Bender.

    I bought a big lot off of a woman on craigslist and pieced it out for profit. Kept that one figure – because Futurama.

    1. That is awesome. Making money and the funky pop Bender. I wonder if they will bring that show again, you know, forth time I think. That was a great show.

  2. A very interesting way about teaching a lesson. If that is the case, then could I expect no dividend paying stocks to be your picks in my stock picking game? Still awaiting your selections by the way 🙂

    1. Thank you. I thought writing the opposite would be fun to try. I hope it was amusing.

      And thank you for the reminder, I have submitted my picks. Good luck to everyone.

  3. One time i was loooking for some dividend stocks sites and typed in dividend stocks and the google auto write put dividend stocks are a scam. i was like What? but there are people that believe that

  4. I have read some of those sites. They use horrible stocks to show why dividends are a scam. Then never use good example like MMM. I will keep my dividend stocks, they treat me good.

    Disclosurer: I do not own MMM

  5. Well, I had fun losing $140 at Bingo last night. It was several hours of entertainment. So, much so that I’m going back today again so I can try to win that money back and then some. Were I to invest that money in dividend stocks, it would have taken me years before I can enjoy the benefit. I agree, dividend investing is stupid!

    Although, I must admit, I do have my own dividend portfolio. I always thought I was being stupid getting one. Thanks for confirming my stupidity Dividend Monkey.

    1. Gambling is much more fun than dividend stocks, further proving dividend investing is stupid. 🙂
      And when you lose money, the best thing you can do is double down. What a great idea. Haha. Thank you for joining in.

  6. My favorite is #6 “I need to impress people I do not know on the highway”

    It makes them feel good about themselves, kind of fake feeling of being rich or successful.

    I can tell you that I don’t get any respect on the road or in the parking lot when driving in my 18 years old Toyota. People in big SUVs/Trucks, and luxury cars often cut me off or ignore my presence on the road.

    That is the downside of being frugal, you won’t get much respect from strangers as they only judge your worth by what you drive and what expensive clothes you are wearing. It’s sad but true.

    1. A book is always judge by its cover. But when we are all financially independent and doing what we want with our time, that is when they will be jealous. Although, I am not too worried about impressing random people on the highway. Although, I will care when my family and I are living the dream.
      Where is your DividendMonkey at?

  7. Finally, someone who gets it! I have always tried to live my life like bender! Drink a ton of cheep beer because it fuels my power cells as a mighty robot. And don’t forget the floosies. Dividend stocks don’t give you that level of entertainment.

  8. Its very necessary that we are save money and invested it for our future. In interesting topic,”why dividend investing is stupid”. actually we are not thinking deeply about our future. People wants to live a luxury life and thatswhy they spend money easy without worried.

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